ENCOUNTERS WITH THE LAW: A true story of a teenager's encounters with boylove and the law

ENCOUNTERS WITH THE LAW: A true story of a teenager's encounters with boylove and the law.

In mid 1994, I ran a bulletin board in Maryland, where I lived. In High School I was not liked very much - I'm short, and I was never the muscled type. I always took the initiative to hang around the smaller, younger looking freshmen in High School, which made my situation worse.

I had always liked watching the other boys shower in high school, though I never realized or even thought I was "gay" until I got on America Online, where I met other gay people. Someone sent me a picture of a boy, around age 14. I was astonished that pictures of teenagers were available, let alone pictures of teenagers having sex! I never dreamed I could find such material.

I continued to collect the pictures over the next few months. I dug out an old 400MB hard disk and put an encryption program on it. I started keeping my pictures there, but I was careless, and I kept the same password as that of my computer. Two other people had the password. One of the people that had the password was an 11 year old co-sysop who I will call "Tails". Tails decided to look around my system out of curiosity, and when he did, he found the pictures. Later he told his mother about the images, who mother informed another local BBS sysop. The other BBS sysop decided he would find a way to get the images, and give them to the police. So, while I was in Ocean City with my 12 year old best friend, he accessed my system (against my request of several months that he not access it), downloaded the images, and forwarded them to the local police.

When I got home, I found that my computer, and everything that I had that dealt with my computer - a lot of my letters, my CD player, my television and my phone - were taken by the police. A letter was left with my parents saying that the local investigation department wished to talk with me, and that they had no intentions of arresting me at that time. Tails's mother actually accompanied me to the interrogation. They had printouts of were I worked, typed conversations with every child on my baseball and soccer team (of which, mind you, nobody said I did anything inappropriate), and just about everything about my personal life that anyone could find... even more than I could find myself! The officer proceeded to interrogate me and at the conclusion of the interview called another officer to "escort" me.

What I didn't know was that he was escorting me to jail.



I was in jail for 3 days until my bond was reviewed by a court commissioner who set me free under my own reckon. I had to report to the probation office once every two months and tell them what I had been doing until the date of my trial. My conditions were to keep a job or stay in school at least 16 credit hours - and to not be alone with anyone under the age of 18. I was only 19 myself... how could they keep me from people that were less than two years younger than I was? My 12 year old friend was not allowed to see me, nor was I allowed to see him. What a wake-up call. Just two weeks prior to this, me and him were planning the trip to ocean city, and just being best friends.

It was 2 months before school would start again. Every night I cried myself to sleep, and I had no clue what I had done wrong - after all, I was just out of High School. My lawyer had informed me that I should go see a psychiatrist. For the next year I would spend every Wednesday evening from 5pm until 9pm with 8 other adults, none of which were even near my age.One of the people in my "session" was a drunk who had offended his grandson. Another was a man in his 40s who had masturbated in front of his 9 year old daughter. While in there, I learned that being attracted to pictures of 14 and 15 year old people was bad, and that for doing that, I was to feel shame for the individuals in the pictures. I had not even taken the pictures, most of which were 20 or 30 years old.

I learned that my sexual desires were bad, that in the shrink's words I had to "totally change my sexual orientation", that I was a pedophile, a person who molested children and engaged in unconsentual sex. What the hell unconsentual sex had to do with me posessing 20 year old pictures of teenagers that I did not know and had no intention of knowing I have no idea. I was forced to watch movies on how the victims of child sexual abuse acted, and their life stories, about how the abuse changed their life. What child did I offend? How did I offend the teenagers that were in the black and white pictures? My shrink told me that my collection of two hundred and fifty couple pictures was tremendous amount of child pornography. Hell, I have a CD of pictures of women in swimsuits that had thousands of images. I had roughly 20 megabytes of pictures on my computer.

I was lost, I was broken, I was hurting, and I had no friends. The friends I did have did not want to talk to me. I was not even allowed to see the boys in the baseball team I had. The same went with the soccer team. I wanted to commit suicide, and I was ready to do so.

One day the 12 year old's mother called me. It was the day before his birthday, and he was turning 13, a teenager, and I would miss it. She wanted to tell me that he begged her to call me, and that he was thinking about me. His mother an I talked a lot. She understood my feelings, and told me that she respected me, that after I was allowed to be around children again that I would be again welcome in their home. I cried myself to sleep again that night.

My court trial went very well. At first the state's attorney wanted me to plead guilty to "Intent to distribute child pornography" and a fourth degree sexual offense. I refused and told him that I would only plead guilty to posession of child pornography. He finally agreed to my deal, after after pleading with the judge I was sentenced to 18 months of probation with 18 months backup time. I thanked the judge for giving me a light sentence, but he added that I must remain in the therapy that was destroying my soul.

I was given a probation officer to see, who probation officer was as nice as I could hope for. We talked about me moving out of the area, because my life that I knew had been destroyed. We also talked about changing shrinks. I decided that I wanted to move to North Carolina, where I would live with another boylover that I knew from IRC. Unfortunately this BL also had problems with the law and was known to the local probation office, so my transfer of probation was denied. Another IRC friend invited me to move to Arkansas. I asked my probation officer, and after checking with the state and I was allowed to move.

When I got there, what I found was not what I wanted. I wanted a place to live with someone else, where I would have friends that I could talk to and would support me in my growth into my new life. The person I went to was very nice and gave me an apartment of my own, though it was unfurnished, and uncarpeted (a lot less than I was accustomed to). There was a family of 5 that lived across the lawn from me - two boys, one 11 and the other 8 (or so he said), a 13 yo girl who was a bitch, and the mother and father, both of whom were extremely overweight. The children's parents did not care for there children whatsoever. The children ran rampant all day, half naked, in torn clothing, no socks, no underwear. They viewed various sexually oriented scenes throughout the apartment complex. I thought I would try to make a difference in the children's lives, so I took it upon myself to befriend them. Unknowingly, I was walking into a virtual beehive.

I put up with the situation in Arkansas for about 2 weeks before I decided that this was not something I liked. Two of the BL's that I had hoped for support from were fighting with me over the friendship of the boys, who could care less about us. So I packed up and headed home.

When I got home, I found out that I was wanted in Arkansas over sexual abuse of the children that were there, and that I had supposedly fled the state in fear of the pending legal issues. A week later I was arrested on a "fugitive from justice" charge, pending extradition to the state of Arkansas, signed by the the Governor of Arkansas. I spent the next three days in jail pending a $10,000 bond. My parents were not home - they were on vacation. I was alone, in jail, with no way to get out, pending an extradition that would take six to eight months. I was already in debt, with no job and no saved money left.

Finally I called the BL in Arkansas that I tried to move to, and he put up his house and paid $1,000 to get me out of jail. After several weeks of self-pity, I finally got to be friends with my (now) 13 year old friend again. His support was very much needed because again I was near suicide. This was mid August, 1996.

In November I decided to turn myself into the Arkansas police and get the extradition dealt with. A friend from IRC had decided that he would help me on the trip. I drove up to his house where I spent the night with him, and the next day we headed out for Arkansas. When we got there, I met with an attorney that I had been talking with. He had advised me that he had to get us in front of a judge so I could turn myself in. We had to wait 4 days before I was even allowed to turn myself in. The State attorney from Arkansas wanted a $30,000 bond because I was from out of state and he felt that I would not come back even after turning myself in at my own expense. The judge issued a $10,000 bond, which cost me $1,000 to bond out. There was no way to continue the bond from Maryland that already cost a friend of mine $1,000, so I had my friend take cash advances from my credit card. With the cash that I had I was able to bond myself out after begging the bondsman to write the bond. My friend who had driven me down was in the waiting room at the jail the whole time. I was astonished - what a friend! I had never expected him to be there, let alone wait for several hours in a waiting room, at a jail for me. For once I was special - I felt like I was really honestly loved.

The lawyer gave me very high hopes of a not guilty verdict when the issue went to trial. I had informed him of my previous legal issues, and he replied that he did not see that as a problem. Months went by and I got a job at the local ski resort. I loved my job, even though I did not get paid very much. In fact the pay was very little, but I loved working with the people.

While working at the ski resort I met a 11 year old boy named Robert, who stole my heart. I was working one of the chairlifts on the west side of the ski hill. Robert's family owned a condominium alongside the skilift and they frequented the ski resort on the weekends. The first evening I met Robert, I could only ski with him on my lunch break, which was about 30 minutes. Robby would stop by and talk to me in the mornings on Saturdays and Sundays, and soon we got to know each other fairly well. Finally I met his mother and his father, who were both very nice people.Over the next 3 months, I would get to know Robby very well.

Along with Robby, I met Jesse, a 12 year old boy who lived in the area, Jesse was fun to ski with and had a great attitude. Me and Robby skied together every weekend. One weekend me and Robby were playing around, and he hit me across the bridge of the nose with his ski pole. My nose bled for about 45 minutes, and we went back to his condo while it stopped. At the condo, we wrestled and played around and just got to to know each other very well. I told Robby about my legal problems. He looked at me and asked "do you want to be friends with me, so you can have sex with me?" I replied, "No Robert, I want to be your friend, I want to just know you an be a part of your life".

It soon was getting late and I had to go home. That night, I wrote the following poem about Robby.


All I Know

Day after day, I watch you go by
Sometimes you smile at me
Sometimes you even say hello
and you even ask about my day

I know that your name is Robert
yet that's all I know about you
With a free sprit and a smile to light your way
Never in one place to long
you're always on the move.

Once you bring me lunch
Why? I really do wonder why
For you to be so kind
To whom you hardly even know.

When I try to talk to you
I struggle and stumble with my words
All I want is to know you
and to be a part of your world
Yet, all I know of you
is your voice, your face, and your name.

Sometime I truly hope
That my dream may yet come true
A dream to only know you
and to be a part of your world
Yet, all I know of you
is your voice, your face, and your name<.BR>
Sometimes I truly hope
That my dream may yet come true
A dream to only know you
and to be a part of your world.


(February 3, 1997)


The next day, Robby told me that my legal problems were OK with him, and that he was there for me if I needed him to talk to.

Robby hated to be tickled. When we would go over to his condo for lunch or dinner, he would take his shirt off and tell me to tickle him, because he knew I loved to touch his body - not in a sexual way, but just to revel in plain physical contact with him. Jesse and I also got to know one another fairly well, though I did not know where he lived and I had not met his parents.

Soon the winter weather warmed and the snow was melting quickly. I was laid off from work around March 3rd, but I continued skiing through the middle of march, skiing with both Robby and Jesse. Then the end of the ski season came. My car broke down and had to have major repairs. I was cut off from my friends - I was cut off from Robby and Jesse. The holiday was over.

My Attorney called me, and told me that the State attorney for Arkansas was bringing down the child from my previous conviction to testify in court that I showed him child pornography and had engaged in sexual activity with him without his consent. Whatever happened to the thing about after you are convicted, it's over? Why were my previous convictions brought up in a different state? Why were they going to bring a child down to testify about something that I had already been convicted of? It had no relevance to my case! After all, that was not the chain of events that unfolded in Maryland. The child never did testify in Maryland, so I had no recourse over his testimony. The State attorney was trying to reconvict me for something that had not happened.

I was planning on driving down to Arkansas with my mother, who said she would assist me there. Unfortunately my lawyer called me and told me he needed me down there ASAP, that we were going to not have a jury trial and go before a judge. He said I needed to be there to tell the judge that I agreed to waive a jury trial. What was I paying my lawyer for? Wasn't he supposed to be able to take care of situations like that for me?

While I was there, I got sick. I got very sick. I had a hard time breathing, a congested chest, the works. No car, no transportation, and nobody to spend my days with. My attorney told me that I had about a 5% chance of getting found not guilty the next day, but we were going to trial to find out one way or the other. Hell, he was a high priced, high quality attorney - after all, the more you spend on a lawyer, the better off you are, yes? Not for me.

That night, I wrote another poem:


Letting Go

Someone once told me
that love is laughter,
that love is trust.
Why did not they tell me
that love is also hurt?

For you I had visions,
visions of the heavens.
Yet I was destined to be at a loss.
I never knew it was wrong.

Why does it hurt so much,
trying to let you go?
I should have never left you,
on that cold stormy night.

I should have stood by you,
every tick of the clock.
where did you go
and why did you never return?
I cannot endure this pain,
somehow I must let go.
I watch in silence,
as I carry the weight of the world.


I also wrote a second poem:


Goodbye my love

Goodbye my love For I love you so much,
I will always remember the tears.
To look at what we once were
as to what we are now
there is no comparison, no scale to measure the pain.
I have tried to forget your smile
tried to forget your soul and spirit
Yet after all this time,
I find I am so alone
Entrapped with rage and hatred
Waking up at nights
looking beside me at my bed
and seeing the emptiness
that my life has led me to. To me you were a gift,
priceless beyond value.
What else can I do
besides just go on without you?
I will always remember the emotions,
all of the love and romance.
To me you are a gift
a gift that I have misplaced
searching desperately to replace.
What love was stolen from my heart?
I long for the days ahead,
for the day you give me your heart once again.
Saying goodbye is forever
and I just cannot say goodbye.


When we went to court, the one witness we intended to call accompanied me to the courtroom. All of the witnesses were told to go to the witness room except for the young boy's mother, who would be able to stay even though she was on the witness list. The first thing the State attorney did was call the witness from Maryland to the stand to try me again for what I did in Maryland. Why that witness was there is beyond me. What he had to say was in documentation of the Maryland court files. Believe it or not, when he took the stand, his testimony was different from that of what he gave the Maryland police! When the alleged victim took the stand, his story was broken - hell, he could not even remember his own age!

The "victim" confessed to telling the apartment complex manager that he lied, that it never happened, and then he made up a person to say the person threatened him. Finally the states attorney called another witness, the boys brother, to the stand. He gave testimony that was unknown to my lawyer and to the defense, and the State attorney "just happened" to bring up the police file on that child. My lawyer never knew that this child was going to testify until a week before the trial, and he did not know about the child's police report until after he testified to it!

We never called my witness to the stand because we thought that the judge might see him as lying about the person he made up that threatened him to tell the apartment complex manager that he lied. We had our closing arguments, and the judge then announced that I was guilty as charged on first degree sexual abuse because I was accused of fondling a 7 year old child.

Under the sentencing guidelines of the state, I am still eligible for probation in the state of Arkansas. There is no minimum sentence. But I will still have to deal with the violation of probation in Maryland. I was convicted in another state, so why can't this state just go with the sentencing of that state? Simply because I will be sentenced again for both crimes, and it's always known that the second sentence is worse than the first. So in turn I am getting a triple punishment for something I did not do.

I drove from Maryland to Arkansas 3 times; I flew from Maryland to Arkansas 3 times (costing $400 each trip for the airplane ticket); �had to pay for hotel stays, food, and other expenses; I spent $200 an hour on my lawyer. All of this and I could have just turned myself in and pleaded guilty to the court to begin with, and have $10,000 in my pocket!

I am up for sentencing on the 29th of April. Today is April 24th, 1997. All three of my young friends are very very upset and depressed over the possibility of me being incarcerated for an extended period of time. But there is nothing they can do.

Whatever happened to being innocent until proven guilty? If I appeal to the courts, even if my sentencing is on probation, I am tossed in jail until the appeal is finished, and held without bond. I can only appeal if I feel that I did not have a fair trial - because of a procedural error, because of a new witness, or because of inadequate defense. I cannot appeal just to appeal. I havehunted all my life - I can no longer own or shoot a firearm. I can no longer vote. I dislike the judge and the governor of my state. What if one of them runs for President: do we want people like this in our capital? The people that this judge has convicted can no longer vote. They have no say in what goes in the government anymore. It's obscene.

I have had 20 people write to the Judge and ask the judge to give me a lenient sentence because I am a good person. When one of my elderly neighbors gets sick, I tend to their needs, take them were they need to go. I volunteer my time for the Red Cross doing data entry when I am unemployed. I help out for the National Ski Patrol, and I used to donate my time and money to the little leagues and youth soccer leagues. I open the door for anyone behind me at the mall. I donate my time to children, constructing webpages for them. Yet none of this matters to the court. The only thing that matter is what they say I did.

Today's world is sad. It's frightening how our children are not allowed to be loved. They are not allowed to have friends who are older than they are. They are not allowed to have mentors. They are supposed to be put in a room with their parents, do everything with their parents... they are not supposed to have a life until the age of 18! This is what the courts are telling us! The courts are also telling us that children do not think anything about sex, when children experiment with there friends, they experiment in the shower, in their beds at night.

Yes, I am angry at the world. I am angry at what they have done to me. I am angry at the world for stealing my life. They took my life from me, they classified me as a pervert. And the sad thing is, I love children, I love being with children, I love interacting with children, I love interacting with children - but I will never be able to do that again, ever.

If I do not write more as of May 16th, 1997, I regret to say that I am in jail. I don't know how long, but I am...

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NOTE: He was never heard from again.