View source for ENCOUNTERS WITH THE LAW: A true story of a teenager's encounters with boylove and the law

ENCOUNTERS  WITH  THE  LAW: A true story of a teenager's encounters with boylove and the law.<ref>This is a true story from the personal pages of the now-defunct site fpc.net</ref>

In mid 1994, I ran a bulletin board in Maryland, where I lived.
In High School I was not liked very much - I'm short, and I was never the
muscled type. I always took the initiative to hang around the smaller,
younger looking freshmen in High School, which made my situation worse.<br> <br>
I had always liked watching the other boys shower in high school, though
I never realized or even thought I was "gay" until I got on
America Online, where I met other gay people. Someone sent me a picture
of a boy, around age 14. I was astonished that pictures of teenagers
were available, let alone pictures of teenagers having ''sex''! I never
dreamed I could find such material.<br> <br>
I continued to collect the pictures
over the next few months. I dug out an old 400MB hard disk and put an
encryption program on it. I started keeping my pictures there, but I
was careless, and I kept the same password as that of my computer.
Two other people had the password. One of the people that had the
password was an 11 year old co-sysop who I will call "Tails". Tails
decided to look around my system out of curiosity, and when he did, he found the
pictures. Later he told his mother about the images, who
mother informed another local BBS sysop. The other BBS sysop
decided he would find a way to get the images, and give them to the
police. So, while I was in Ocean City with my 12 year old best friend,
he accessed my system (against my request of several months that he not
access it), downloaded the images, and forwarded them to the local
police.<br> <br>
When I got home, I found that my computer, and everything that
I had that dealt with my computer - a lot of my letters, my CD player,
my television and my phone - were taken by the police. A letter was left
with my parents saying that the local investigation department wished to talk
with me, and that they had no intentions of arresting me at that time.
Tails's mother actually accompanied me to the interrogation. They had
printouts of were I worked, typed conversations with ''every'' child on
my baseball and soccer team (of which, mind you, nobody said I did
anything inappropriate), and just about everything about my
personal life that anyone could find... even more than I could find
myself! The officer proceeded to interrogate me and at the conclusion of the
interview called another officer to "escort" me.<br> <br>
What I didn't know was that he was escorting me to jail.<br> <br>
<br> <br>
I was in jail for 3 days until my bond was reviewed by a court
commissioner who set me free under my own reckon. I had to report to
the probation office once every two months and tell them what I had been
doing until the date of my trial. My conditions were to keep a job or stay in
school at least 16 credit hours - and to not be alone with ''anyone'' under
the age of 18. I was only 19 myself... how could they keep me from
people that were less than two years younger than I was? My 12 year
old friend was not allowed to see me, nor was I allowed to see him.
What a wake-up call. Just two weeks prior to this, me and him were planning
the trip to ocean city, and just being best friends.<br> <br>
It was 2 months before school would start again. Every night I cried myself to sleep,
and I had no clue what I had done wrong - after all, I was just out of
High School. My lawyer had informed me that I should go see a psychiatrist.
For the next year I would spend every Wednesday evening from 5pm until
9pm with 8 other adults, none of which were even near my age.One of
the people in my "session" was a drunk who had offended his grandson.
Another was a man in his 40s who had masturbated in front of his 9
year old daughter. While in there, I learned that being attracted to
pictures of 14 and 15 year old people was bad, and that for doing that, I
was to feel shame for the individuals in the pictures. I had not even
taken the pictures, most of which were 20 or 30 years old.<br> <br>
I learned that my sexual desires
were bad, that in the shrink's words I had to "totally change my sexual
orientation", that I was a pedophile, a person who molested children and
engaged in unconsentual sex. What the ''hell'' unconsentual ''sex'' had
to do with me posessing 20 year old pictures of teenagers that I did
not know and had no intention of knowing I have no idea. I was forced to watch movies
on how the victims of child sexual abuse acted, and their life stories,
about how the abuse changed their life. What child did I offend? How did
I offend the teenagers that were in the black and white pictures? My shrink
told me that my collection of two hundred and fifty couple pictures was
''tremendous'' amount of child pornography. Hell, I have a CD of pictures
of women in swimsuits that had ''thousands'' of images. I had roughly 20
megabytes of pictures on my computer.<br> <br>
I was lost, I was broken, I was
hurting, and I had no friends. The friends I did have did not want to
talk to me. I was not even allowed to see the boys in the baseball team I had.
The same went with the soccer team. I wanted to commit suicide, and I
was ready to do so.<br> <br>
One day the 12 year old's mother called me. It was the day
before his birthday, and he was turning 13, a teenager, and I would miss
it. She wanted to tell me that he begged her to call me, and
that he was thinking about me. His mother an I talked a lot. She
understood my feelings, and told me that she respected me, that
after I was allowed to be around children again that I would be again
welcome in their home. I cried myself to sleep again that night.<br> <br>
My court trial went very well. At first the state's attorney wanted me to
plead guilty to "Intent to distribute child pornography" and a fourth degree sexual
offense. I refused and told him that I would only plead guilty to posession
of child pornography. He finally agreed to my deal, after after pleading
with the judge I was sentenced to 18 months of probation with
18 months backup time. I thanked the judge for giving me a light
sentence, but he added that I must remain in the therapy that was
destroying my soul.<br> <br>
I was given a probation officer to see, who
probation officer was as nice as I could hope for. We talked about me
moving out of the area, because my life that I knew had been destroyed.
We also talked about changing shrinks. I decided that I wanted to move
to North Carolina, where I would live with another boylover that I knew from
IRC. Unfortunately this BL also had problems with the law and was known
to the local probation office, so my transfer of probation was denied.
Another IRC friend invited me to move to Arkansas. I asked my
probation officer, and after checking with the state and I was allowed to move.<br> <br>
When I got there, what I found was not what I wanted. I wanted a place
to live ''with'' someone else, where I would have friends that I could talk
to and would support me in my growth into my new life. The person I
went to was very nice and gave me an apartment of my own, though
it was unfurnished, and uncarpeted (a lot less than I was accustomed to).
There was a family of 5 that lived across the lawn from
me - two boys, one 11 and the other 8 (or so he said),
a 13 yo girl who was a bitch, and the mother and father, both of whom
were extremely overweight. The children's parents did not care for
there children whatsoever. The children ran rampant all day,
half naked, in torn clothing, no socks, no underwear. They
viewed various sexually oriented scenes throughout the apartment
complex. I thought I would try to make a difference in the children's
lives, so I took it upon myself to befriend them. Unknowingly, I was
walking into a virtual beehive.<br> <br>
I put up with the situation in
Arkansas for about 2 weeks before I decided that this was not something I
liked. Two of the BL's that I had hoped for support from were fighting
with me over the friendship of the boys, who could care less about us.
So I packed up and headed home.<br> <br>
When I got home, I found out that I was wanted in Arkansas over sexual
abuse of the children that were there, and that I had supposedly fled the state in
fear of the pending legal issues. A week later I was arrested on a
"fugitive from justice" charge, pending extradition to the state of
Arkansas, signed by the the Governor of Arkansas. I spent the next three
days in jail pending a $10,000 bond. My parents were not home - they
were on vacation. I was alone, in jail, with no way to get out, pending
an extradition that would take six to eight months. I was already in debt,
with no job and no saved money left.<br> <br>
Finally I called the BL in
Arkansas that I tried to move to, and he put up his house and paid
$1,000 to get me out of jail. After several weeks of self-pity, I
finally got to be friends with my (now) 13 year old friend again. His
support was very much needed because again I was near suicide. This
was mid August, 1996.<br> <br>
In November I decided to turn myself into the
Arkansas police and get the extradition dealt with. A friend from IRC had
decided that he would help me on the trip. I drove up to his house where I
spent the night with him, and the next day we headed out for Arkansas.
When we got there, I met with an attorney that I had been talking with.
He had advised me that he had to get us in front of a judge so I could
turn myself in. We had to wait 4 days before I was even ''allowed'' to turn
myself in. The State attorney from Arkansas wanted a $30,000 bond
because I was from out of state and he felt that I would not come back
even after turning myself in at my own expense. The judge issued a
$10,000 bond, which cost me $1,000 to bond out. There was no way
to continue the bond from Maryland that already cost a friend of mine
$1,000, so I had my friend take cash advances from my credit card.
With the cash that I had I was able to bond myself out after begging
the bondsman to write the bond. My friend who had driven me down was
in the waiting room at the jail the whole time. I was astonished - what
a friend! I had never expected him to be there, let alone ''wait'' for
several hours in a waiting room, at a ''jail'' for ''me''. For once I was
special - I felt like I was really honestly loved.<br> <br>
The
lawyer gave me very high hopes of a not guilty verdict when the
issue went to trial. I had informed him of my previous legal issues, and he
replied that he
did not see that as a problem. Months went by and I got a job at the local
ski resort. I loved my job, even though I did not get paid very much.
In fact the pay was very little, but I loved working with the people.<br> <br>
While working at the ski resort I met a 11 year old boy named Robert,
who stole my heart. I was working one of the chairlifts on the west
side of the ski hill. Robert's family owned a condominium alongside the
skilift and they frequented the ski resort on the weekends. The first
evening I met Robert, I could only ski with him on my lunch break,
which was about 30 minutes. Robby would stop by and talk to
me in the mornings on Saturdays and Sundays, and soon we got to know each other
fairly well. Finally I met his mother and his father, who were both very
nice people.Over the next 3 months, I would get to know Robby very
well.<br> <br>
Along with Robby, I met Jesse, a 12 year old boy who lived in the
area, Jesse was fun to ski with and had a great attitude. Me
and Robby skied together every weekend. One weekend me and Robby were
playing around, and he hit me across the bridge of the nose with his
ski pole. My nose bled for about 45 minutes, and we went back to his
condo while it stopped. At the condo, we wrestled and played around and just got to to
know each other very well. I told Robby about my legal problems. He
looked at me and asked "do you want to be friends with me, so you
can have sex with me?" I replied, "No Robert, I want to be
your friend, I want to just know you an be a part of your life".<br> <br>
		    It soon was getting late and I had to go home. That
night, I wrote the following poem about Robby.<br> <br> <br> '''All I Know'''<br> <br>
					     Day after day, I watch you go by<br>
						Sometimes you smile at me<br>
						Sometimes you even say hello<br>
					      and you even ask about my day<br> <br>
					     I know that your name is Robert<br>
					     yet that's all I know about you<br>
				     With a free sprit and a smile to light your way<br>
						Never in one place to long<br>
						 you're always on the move.<br> <br>
						 Once you bring me lunch<br>
					       Why? I really do wonder why<br>
						  For you to be so kind<br>
					       To whom you hardly even know.<br> <br>
						When I try to talk to you<br>
					   I struggle and stumble with my words<br>
						All I want is to know you<br>
					      and to be a part of your world<br>
						  Yet, all I know of you<br>
					 is your voice, your face, and your name.<br> <br>
						  Sometime I truly hope<br>
					       That my dream may yet come true<br>
						 A dream to only know you<br>
					      and to be a part of your world<br>
						  Yet, all I know of you<br>
					 is your voice, your face, and your name&lt;.BR&gt;
		    <br>
						  Sometimes I truly hope<br>
					       That my dream may yet come true<br>
						 A dream to only know you<br>
					      and to be a part of your world.<br> <br> <br>
						     (February 3, 1997)<br> <br> <br>
The next day, Robby told me that my legal problems were OK with him,
and that he was there for me if I needed him to talk to.<br> <br>
Robby hated to
be tickled. When we would go over to his condo for lunch or dinner, he
would take his shirt off and tell me to tickle him, because he knew I
loved to touch his body - not in a sexual way, but just to revel in plain
physical contact with him. Jesse and I also got to know one another fairly
well, though I did not know where he lived and I had not met his
parents.<br> <br>
Soon the winter weather warmed and the snow was melting
quickly. I was laid off from work around March 3rd, but I continued skiing
through the middle of march, skiing with both Robby and Jesse. Then the
end of the ski season came. My car broke down and had to have
major repairs. I was cut off from my friends - I was cut off from Robby
and Jesse. The holiday was over.<br> <br>
My Attorney called me, and told me that the State attorney for Arkansas
was bringing down the child from my previous conviction to testify in
court that I showed him child pornography and had engaged in sexual
activity with him without his consent. Whatever
happened to the thing about after you are convicted, it's over? Why were my previous
convictions brought up in a different state? Why were they going to
bring a child down to testify about something that I had already been
convicted of? It had no relevance to my case!
After all, that was not the chain of events that unfolded in Maryland.
The child never did testify in Maryland, so I had no recourse over his
testimony. The State attorney was trying to reconvict me for something
that had not happened.<br> <br>
I was planning on driving down to Arkansas with my mother, who said she would
assist me there. Unfortunately my lawyer called me and told me he
needed me down there ASAP, that we were going to not have a jury trial
and go before a judge. He said I needed to be there to tell the judge
that I agreed to waive a jury trial. What was I paying my lawyer for?
Wasn't he supposed to be able to take care of situations like that for
me?<br> <br>
While I was there, I got sick. I got ''very'' sick. I had a hard
time breathing, a congested chest, the works. No car, no
transportation, and nobody to spend my days with. My attorney told me that
I had about a 5% chance of getting found not guilty the next day, but
we were going to trial to find out one way or the other.
Hell, he was a high priced, high quality attorney - after all, the more you
spend on a lawyer, the better off you are, yes? Not for me.<br> <br>
That night, I wrote another poem:<br> <br> <br> '''Letting Go'''<br> <br>
						  Someone once told me<br>
						  that love is laughter,<br>
						  that love is trust.<br>
						Why did not they tell me<br>
						 that love is also hurt?<br> <br>
						  For you I had visions,<br>
						 visions of the heavens.<br>
					  Yet I was destined to be at a loss.<br>
						I never knew it was wrong.<br> <br>
						Why does it hurt so much,<br>
						  trying to let you go?<br>
					      I should have never left you,<br>
						on that cold stormy night.<br> <br>
					      I should have stood by you,<br>
						 every tick of the clock.<br>
						     where did you go<br>
					      and why did you never return?<br>
					       I cannot endure this pain,<br>
						  somehow I must let go.<br>
						   I watch in silence,<br>
					   as I carry the weight of the world.<br> <br> <br>
		    I also wrote a second poem:<br> <br> <br> '''Goodbye my love'''<br> <br>
						  Goodbye my love
						 For I love you so much,<br>
					     I will always remember the tears.<br>
					       To look at what we once were<br>
						  as to what we are now<br>
					       there is no comparison,
					       no scale to measure the pain.<br>
					    I have tried to forget your smile<br>
					   tried to forget your soul and spirit<br>
						 Yet after all this time,<br>
						 I find I am so alone<br>
					      Entrapped with rage and hatred<br>
						   Waking up at nights<br>
					       looking beside me at my bed<br>
						and seeing the emptiness <br>
					       that my life has led me to.
						  To me you were a gift,<br>
						  priceless beyond value.<br>
						    What else can I do<br>
					     besides just go on without you?<br>
					   I will always remember the emotions,<br>
					       all of the love and romance.<br>
						   To me you are a gift<br>
					       a gift that I have misplaced<br>
					     searching desperately to replace.<br>
					    What love was stolen from my heart?<br>
						I long for the days ahead,<br>
				     for the day you give me your heart once again.<br>
						Saying goodbye is forever<br>
					      and I just cannot say goodbye.<br> <br> <br>
When we went to court, the one witness we intended to call accompanied
me to the courtroom. All of the witnesses were told to go to the
witness room except for the young boy's mother, who would be able to
stay even though she was on the witness list. The first thing the
State attorney did was call the witness from Maryland to the stand to
try me again for what I did in Maryland. Why that witness was there is beyond me. What
he had to say was in documentation of the Maryland court files. Believe
it or not, when he took the stand, his testimony was different from
that of what he gave the Maryland police! When the alleged victim took
the stand, his story was broken - hell, he could not even remember his own
age!<br> <br>
The "victim" confessed to telling the apartment complex manager that
he lied, that it never happened, and then he made up a person to
say the person threatened him. Finally the
states attorney called another witness, the boys brother, to the stand.
He gave testimony that was unknown to my lawyer and to the defense,
and the State attorney "just happened" to bring up the police file on that
child. My lawyer never knew that this child was going to testify until
a week before the trial, and he did not know about the child's
police report until after he testified to it!<br> <br>
We never called my witness to the
stand because we thought that the judge might see him as lying about the
person he made up that threatened him to tell the apartment complex
manager that he lied. We had our closing arguments, and the judge then
announced that I was guilty as charged on first degree sexual abuse
because I was accused of fondling a 7 year old child.<br> <br>
Under the sentencing guidelines of the state, I am still eligible for probation
in the state of Arkansas. There is no minimum sentence. But I will
still have to deal with the violation of probation in Maryland. I was
convicted in another state, so why can't this state just go with the
sentencing of that state? Simply because I will be sentenced again for both
crimes, and it's always known that the second sentence is worse than the
first. So in turn I am getting a triple punishment for something I did
not do.<br> <br>
I drove from Maryland to Arkansas 3 times; I flew from Maryland
to Arkansas 3 times (costing $400 each trip for the airplane ticket); �had
to pay for hotel stays, food, and other expenses; I spent $200 an
hour on my lawyer. All of this and I could have just turned myself in
and pleaded guilty to the court to begin with, and have $10,000 in my
pocket!<br> <br>
I am up for sentencing on the 29th of April. Today is April
24th, 1997. All three of my young friends are very very upset and depressed
over the possibility of me being incarcerated for an extended period of
time. But there is nothing they can do.<br> <br>
Whatever happened to being innocent until proven guilty? If I appeal to
the courts, even if my sentencing is on probation, I am tossed in jail
until the appeal is finished, and held without bond. I can only appeal if I
feel that I did not have a fair trial - because of a procedural error,
because of a new witness, or because of inadequate defense. I cannot
appeal just to appeal. I havehunted all my life - I can no longer own
or shoot a firearm. I can no longer vote. I dislike the judge and the governor
of my state. What if one of them runs
for President: do we want people like this in our capital? The
people that this judge has convicted can no longer vote. They have no
say in what goes in the government anymore. It's obscene.<br> <br>
I have had 20 people write
to the Judge and ask the judge to give me a lenient sentence because I
am a good person. When one of my elderly neighbors gets sick, I tend to
their needs, take them were they need to go. I volunteer my time for
the Red Cross doing data entry when I am unemployed. I help out for the
National Ski Patrol, and I used to donate my time and money to the
little leagues and youth soccer leagues. I open the door for anyone
behind me at the mall. I donate my time to children, constructing
webpages for them. Yet none of this matters to the court. The only
thing that matter is what they say I did.<br> <br>
Today's world is sad. It's frightening how our children are not allowed to be loved.
They are
not allowed to have friends who are older than they are. They are not
allowed to have mentors. They are supposed to be put in a room with
their parents, do everything with their parents... they are
not supposed to have a life until the age of 18! This is what the courts are telling us!
The courts are also telling us that children do not think anything
about sex, when children experiment with there
friends, they experiment in the shower, in their beds at night.<br> <br> Yes, I am angry at the
world. I am angry at what they have done to me. I am angry at
the world for stealing my life. They took my life from me, they
classified me as a pervert. And the sad thing is, I love children, I love
being with children, I love interacting with children, I love
interacting with children - but I will never be able to do that again, ever.<br> <br>
If I do not write more as of May 16th, 1997, I regret to say that I am
in jail. I don't know how long, but I am...

--------------------------

NOTE: He was never heard from again.